{"id":273,"date":"2022-06-13T19:15:08","date_gmt":"2022-06-14T00:15:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/manlife.com\/articles\/?p=273"},"modified":"2022-06-13T19:15:09","modified_gmt":"2022-06-14T00:15:09","slug":"big-life-changes-as-moments-of-reflection","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/manlife.com\/articles\/index.php\/2022\/06\/13\/big-life-changes-as-moments-of-reflection\/","title":{"rendered":"Big Life Changes as Moments of Reflection"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Sometimes in a man’s life, we have big changes that mark the end of one era, and the beginning of another. These moments often bring some stress, some celebration, and occasionally loss and heartbreak. I’m going through some of them now, and I’d like to share my experiences with you.

In my career as an educator and philosopher, a lot of what I do is help people learn how to make meaning out of the complexities of human life. Today, that’s what I want to do here. I’ll start by sharing of some of my story, and then offer some reflections that I hope that you find valuable in your life as well.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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My Story<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I have been pursuing a Ph.D. in political theory for the last eight years. Most of it has gone rather well: my teaching gets great reviews at two different universities, my publications are growing, and my work is good. But, it hasn’t always been all good. At one point, I failed an important set of exams and had to re-take them a year later. That experience did major damage to my confidence and set my mental health back for years.

By the time this article goes live, I will have likely defended, and hopefully gotten approval on, my dissertation. That will mean that I will be the first one in my family not only to finish college but also to earn the title of “Doctor.”

I’m happy to be done with this process and on with my life. It has been an experience where I’ve grown a lot as a scholar, a mentor, and as a person. I also met my partner along the way, and now it looks like life is at the very least going in a good direction. Aside from some minor revisions, all that stands in the way between me and a major life goal is a single presentation and a round of questions from four distinguished members of the academic community. So, what does a philosopher make of a moment like this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Fear Is Natural<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

I’ve experienced more than my fair share of fear and anxiety in my life. Whether it was performing as a musician for years, getting up in front of a classroom to teach or, now, looking at the final presentation of my career as a student, there’s no small element of fear, anxiety, and general trepidation involved.

It’s easy to say to just ignore fear, but that’s not an intellectually honest way of dealing with it. Fear is your mind and body telling you that you are in a high stake situation. Learning how to deal with it is key to doing well in those kinds of scenarios. For me, two things have helped. The first is exposure. After about two decades, the very shy child has learned through hundreds of lectures and musical performances that he can, in fact, do it. People are also pretty kind even on most of the bad days. Good practice also helps a lot. If you think you might forget something you need to say during a presentation, it’s time to practice it until you cannot forget it. I have not played saxophone regularly in over a decade, yet I can still play some pieces I used for competitions, from memory to this day. That access to the muscle memory will remain even when I’m scared, so it’s a great tool to use for high-stakes situations. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Planning helps<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

In situations where success is the only real option for you to continue your life as you want it, you’re going to have to plan ahead. This is especially true if it’s something where you’re at the center, like a recital, final presentation, or meeting that has the potential to change your life.

For me, that means making the first PowerPoint I’ve used in years, and making notes so that even if I totally panic, I can still fall back on those and get me through the day. Rehearsing the important parts of what you need to do, down to things like a dress rehearsal in the outfit, and ideally, the room that you have to use can help make it feel like the situation is under your control.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Have Hope<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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Life-changing events can be cause for some major fear. They also take a lot of preparation and, when they go wrong, can have fairly severe consequences. Why, then, do we bother with doing them? Part of it, I imagine, is a risk and reward calculation. At this point, the worst that will happen to me is that I will have a master’s degree, and I’ll be free to pursue another opportunity. If all else fails, it will be back to school in about a year to try my hand at being an attorney.

One of the better reasons that we put up with levels of risk like the ones I have taken on in going after my doctorate is hope. At the end of a long journey, I’m looking back at all of this and asking why I have decided to come so far and work so much. It is, in this case, out of hope. Coming from a working-class family that struggled, for a time, to even meet the basic needs, the idea that I would become, eventually, a professor upon whom students could count in the worst of times, is highly motivating. Assuming this presentation goes fairly well, I can stand with my head held high, find the students who are like me, and say, with confidence, that they can do it too and I’m here to help.

That hope, and the purpose that comes with it, is one of the things helping me get through the dreaded waiting before I walk into my university for the last time as a student and, hopefully, walk out as a faculty member. If you’re facing something big in your life, I hope these reflections help you feel a little less alone in what can be extremely trying times.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes in a man’s life, we have big changes that mark the end of one era, and the beginning of another. These moments often bring some stress, some celebration, and occasionally loss and heartbreak. I’m going through some of them now, and I’d like to share my experiences with you. In my career as an … <\/p>\n

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