Lifestyle Dating again after all these years!

[Rob Lay]

I started dating my ex when I was 19 and she was 17, neither of us extensively dated before that. Everything was old school, internet wasn't big, no dating apps. We eventually got married and happily married for almost 20 years. Since I dated quite a bit in the 4-5 months before I committed to current girlfriend and we've been happily dating for 19 months.

Let's all discus what dating is like now sharing experiences and tips.

I'll go more in-depth, but here are some topic starters.

• dating apps - for love or hookup?
• middle aged women - understanding this creature?
• first date - do's and don'ts
• what is most important in middle aged dating/relationships
• how to deal with the exes
• how to handle the kids
• should divorced people ever get married again?

 

[jjmalez]

I started dating my ex when I was 19 and she was 17, neither of us extensively dated before that. Everything was old school, internet wasn't big, no dating apps. We eventually got married and happily married for almost 20 years. Since I dated quite a bit in the 4-5 months before I committed to current girlfriend and we've been happily dating for 19 months.

Let's all discus what dating is like now sharing experiences and tips.

I'll go more in-depth, but here are some topic starters.

• dating apps - for love or hookup?
• middle aged women - understanding this creature?
• first date - do's and don'ts
• what is most important in middle aged dating/relationships
• how to deal with the exes
• how to handle the kids
• should divorced people ever get married again?

I love my wife so much I married her twice.

True story.

 

[Rob Lay]

I love my wife so much I married her twice.

True story.

ahh, love that! I was so in love and wanted to tolerate the marriage forever. she on the other hand not all that connected by love and a little less toleration. have to be insync or opposing forces that amplify for the better, not repel.

 

[jjmalez]

ahh, love that! I was so in love and wanted to tolerate the marriage forever. she on the other hand not all that connected by love and a little less toleration. have to be insync or opposing forces that amplify for the better, not repel.

My wife and I got married after 2+ years together.

I remember my wedding day. It was @ three o'clock in the afternoon.

I arrived at the Country Club (they have a fireplace room used for wedding ceremonies) around 2:00 pm. One of my groomsmen immediately knew I was having cold feet and walked me around outside. Par three, IIRC.

At 2:15 pm I called my best man and asked if he wanted to ditch this and head up to the Motley Crue/Aerosmith concert instead. He said he didn't wan't to be blamed for this.

Five years later, in a not so happy marriage, my wife filed for divorce.

six months later, I got a phone call from her. She asked if she could stop over and talk. She stayed the night and the next day went back to her moms house and packed an overnight bag.

A year later we were remarried at the courthouse.

When the judge asked my wife why she wanted to get remarried. she said "the divorce just wasn't working out."

Combined 10 year anniversary next month.

I'm blessed to have that second chance.

Joe

 

[coeurgt]

My wife and I got married after 2+ years together.

I remember my wedding day. It was @ three o'clock in the afternoon.

I arrived at the Country Club (they have a fireplace room used for wedding ceremonies) around 2:00 pm. One of my groomsmen immediately knew I was having cold feet and walked me around outside. Par three, IIRC.

At 2:15 pm I called my best man and asked if he wanted to ditch this and head up to the Motley Crue/Aerosmith concert instead. He said he didn't wan't to be blamed for this.

Five years later, in a not so happy marriage, my wife filed for divorce.

six months later, I got a phone call from her. She asked if she could stop over and talk. She stayed the night and the next day went back to her moms house and packed an overnight bag.

A year later we were remarried at the courthouse.

When the judge asked my wife why she wanted to get remarried. she said "the divorce just wasn't working out."

Combined 10 year anniversary next month.

I'm blessed to have that second chance.

Joe

She tried but did'nt find better....Just like all my ex wifes. They wanted better, but all of them live alone now, no man wants them.
Sad in a way they ruined my life...and their own.

 

[Macav0]

I'll share what I learned from when I went through this a few years ago; I met my wife through online dating and we have been happily married for several years.

First off, you have to realize that women are completely inundated the instant that they sign up on most platforms. Additionally, tons of men will jump to crass behavior almost immediately - asking for nudes, sending undesired dick pics, asking "You DTF?". Because of the attention that women get, you will have a very limited window to catch their interest.

To make the initial connection, there needs to be something about your profile that makes you more interesting than the hundreds of others that they will get hammered with this week. Good quality pictures that show your face are mandatory. Be happy and well groomed in your photos. Be doing something interesting in the photos. Your profile should highlight your humor, intellect, hobbies, etc.

If someone had something in their profile that I thought was cool or interesting, I would often mention it in my "opener". It usually seemed pretty well received, and I think it's because a lot of guys just spam every single profile that they are attracted to.

Don't chat back and forth forever; the longer you chat without meeting, the likelihood of ever meeting up decreases. Choose a low pressure environment in a public location. I preferred a cozy coffee place where it's easy to have conversation. The purpose of the first date is to get to know them a little, and determine whether it's worth investing time and energy.

I would guess I went on 50+ first dates in the year or so that I was doing online dating. With 90% of them I could tell fairly quickly that there wasn't long term potential, but I still had fun. Don't be in a hurry, and realize that there will be a ton of flakes. Don't take it personally when someone rejects (or ghosts) you; just realize that they aren't the right person, and don't waste more energy about them. There's also a ton of people on the apps who are just looking for attention to feel good about themselves, but aren't serious about actually dating.

The different dating apps have very different audiences. I haven't been paying attention to them for many years now, but this was my impression of what most people were on each platform for:
Tinder - hookups
Match - relationships
Bumble - a little of both
Plenty of Fish/OkCupid - bored people who will flake out on you

 

[Rob Lay]

Great post!

I have a pretty similar experience, but my dating window was pretty short as went from 25 years with ex back to a committed relationship (now 19 months) in only 3-4 months.

To make the initial connection, there needs to be something about your profile that makes you more interesting than the hundreds of others that they will get hammered with this week. Good quality pictures that show your face are mandatory. Be happy and well groomed in your photos. Be doing something interesting in the photos. Your profile should highlight your humor, intellect, hobbies, etc.

I agree, why pretend to be someone you aren't if going for long term. No old photos, no doctored photos, and no d-bag photos (Ferraris etc).

If someone had something in their profile that I thought was cool or interesting, I would often mention it in my "opener". It usually seemed pretty well received, and I think it's because a lot of guys just spam every single profile that they are attracted to.

Certainly best practices, stand out and be really interested.

Tinder - hookups
Match - relationships
Bumble - a little of both
Plenty of Fish/OkCupid - bored people who will flake out on you

in late 2018 Tinder was pretty worthless, not much going on there, friend got me onto Bumble and it was 10x better, where I met my long term girlfriend.

 

[Rob Lay]

All the single guys, what have some of your best dates been?

 

[Rob Lay]

2 years of dating I've had a bunch and mostly good experiences. I'll start with hitting the gun range for maybe not the first date, but it is a good first month date.