Relationships are the foundation of our lives. Whether it’s work, family, romance or the building of community, it’s all about relationships between human beings. They’re also one of the trickier parts about being a human, and doing them better is one of the ways that we can improve ourselves and the relationships that matter to us.
Here, I want to offer my thoughts on some ways that men can improve their relationships. Not all of this will be about others; in fact, most of these are things we can, and I argue should, do alone to get a better sense of ourselves and how we relate to others.
Here, I want to offer my thoughts on some ways that men can improve their relationships. Not all of this will be about others; in fact, most of these are things we can, and I argue should, do alone to get a better sense of ourselves and how we relate to others.
Self Reflection
The first thing I recommend is doing a little self-reflection. Especially if there is a relationship that you’re not happy with, take some time, sit down somewhere quiet, and try to figure out why. It’s not about assigning blame, the idea here is to try to get a better sense of how things ended up in a spot that you don’t like so that you can fix them.
For me, journaling is a great way to do this. I start every morning by writing a page about how I’m thinking and feeling.
For me, journaling is a great way to do this. I start every morning by writing a page about how I’m thinking and feeling.
Self Improvement
People are nuanced creatures, and we like novelty. With that said, life can get stagnant sometimes, and that stagnation can have us feeling stuck in our relationships of all kinds, which leads to misunderstandings and lashing out.
Trying new things, even something as simple as a new recipe or trying, finally, to learn that dusty guitar you have in the closet, can start to make an impact on how you see yourself, and that will change how you interact with others. Sometimes all we need is something new to help freshen up our brains.
Trying new things, even something as simple as a new recipe or trying, finally, to learn that dusty guitar you have in the closet, can start to make an impact on how you see yourself, and that will change how you interact with others. Sometimes all we need is something new to help freshen up our brains.
Ask Questions
Communication is the hard part of building relationships, and it gets even harder when we try to do it with less than good information. When things aren’t going how you want them to go in any kind of relationship, taking the chance to ask questions is vital.
Of course, context is key here. We’re not asking to accuse, we’re asking to learn and understand: if you can come from a place of trying to know where the other person might be coming from, you’re setting yourself up for success. A little extra knowledge can be built towards a lot better understanding between people.
Of course, context is key here. We’re not asking to accuse, we’re asking to learn and understand: if you can come from a place of trying to know where the other person might be coming from, you’re setting yourself up for success. A little extra knowledge can be built towards a lot better understanding between people.
Embrace Being Wrong
One of my favorite things about being human is how wrong we are, and how often. This is especially true in our interpersonal relationships, where being wrong can lead to tension.
But, if you reframe it, being wrong is helpful. It’s not a moral or personal failure to misunderstand someone, it’s a chance to learn something new about someone you care for, and from that perspective, it’s an opportunity to grow.
Make peace with being wrong, and embrace learning as a process, not a goal. With a little humility, we can learn better.
But, if you reframe it, being wrong is helpful. It’s not a moral or personal failure to misunderstand someone, it’s a chance to learn something new about someone you care for, and from that perspective, it’s an opportunity to grow.
Make peace with being wrong, and embrace learning as a process, not a goal. With a little humility, we can learn better.
Establish a Team Mindset
Any relationship is about building a team. Even though teammates can butt heads and compete with one another, they share a goal. This is true off the sports field as well: considering your spouse, coworkers, etc. as team members will help keep you thinking in terms of developing the team towards a goal.
Teammates also help each other improve: when criticism comes from a place of making the whole team better, people are a lot more receptive. This has to go both ways, however, and you should take critiques from your teammates as well.
Teammates also help each other improve: when criticism comes from a place of making the whole team better, people are a lot more receptive. This has to go both ways, however, and you should take critiques from your teammates as well.
Maintain Hobbies
Aside from trying new things, it’s important to keep a hobby or two long-term. These can help you learn skills, but it also teaches a valuable life lesson: good things are worth working on for years. That’s a lesson that can really help keep you focused in your relationships with people.
For example, it takes most people about a decade of steady practice to master an instrument. How long do you think it will take you to master parenting? How about being a spouse? The point is not to be perfect, it’s to commit to the work of getting better at things that matter to us.
For example, it takes most people about a decade of steady practice to master an instrument. How long do you think it will take you to master parenting? How about being a spouse? The point is not to be perfect, it’s to commit to the work of getting better at things that matter to us.
Set Priorities
When dealing with another person, you have to deal with all of their facets, not just those that have directly to do with the relationship. Some of those might bother you. But, to cut down on arguments over nothing, set some priorities.
Before starting the work of a discussion or critique, ask yourself if the thing you are about to talk about them has anything to do with your priorities in the relationship. If not, what good does it do you, them, or the relationship to spend time on it? Identifying what’s important helps to keep relationships running smoothly.
Before starting the work of a discussion or critique, ask yourself if the thing you are about to talk about them has anything to do with your priorities in the relationship. If not, what good does it do you, them, or the relationship to spend time on it? Identifying what’s important helps to keep relationships running smoothly.
Maintain Your Health
As a human being, you can’t escape the fact that you live in a body. Now, think about when you feel good, tuned in, and like you’re participating in your relationships to your fullest. Is it when you’re running on little sleep and a lot of caffeine? I doubt it.
If you take care of your body, your mind has a lot better shot of being more focused. And you’ll be in a much better mood generally so that you can come into all of your relationships at your best.
If you take care of your body, your mind has a lot better shot of being more focused. And you’ll be in a much better mood generally so that you can come into all of your relationships at your best.
Set Boundaries
The power to say no is one of the most important things in any relationship. This is especially true for more empathetic people. You can only give so much before it starts to wear you down, and it’s important to avoid that.
There’s nothing wrong with voicing your opinions and needs, especially when it comes from a place of a team mindset with respect at the center of your thinking. If the relationship is a worthwhile one, the other people will respect your wants and needs too, and getting into the habit of expressing them will help you in the long term.
There’s nothing wrong with voicing your opinions and needs, especially when it comes from a place of a team mindset with respect at the center of your thinking. If the relationship is a worthwhile one, the other people will respect your wants and needs too, and getting into the habit of expressing them will help you in the long term.
Be Compassionate
Above all, remember that everyone you have a relationship with is a person, just like you, with thoughts, feelings, and struggles. A lot of what makes life, life, is hard. But we can help each other through it
This applies to yourself as well. Relationships are there to help us through life, and leaning on those around you is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign that you’ve embraced the fact that we build teams to help each other out.
These are just my thoughts after part of a lifetime building, breaking, and trying to mend relationships. I hope they can help you as much as they help me.
This applies to yourself as well. Relationships are there to help us through life, and leaning on those around you is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign that you’ve embraced the fact that we build teams to help each other out.
These are just my thoughts after part of a lifetime building, breaking, and trying to mend relationships. I hope they can help you as much as they help me.
